Things Changed

When I was little girl

I loved Sunday mornings

My mother would always make my favorite haitian style breakfast

Full, I would be the first one in the car ready for church

I loved church

I love being in the presence of God

Feeling like He was right there

My imaginary friend that i could feel and hear all too well

I learned and felt the power of God at a young age

He was powerful yet gentle

Loving and kind

I remember speaking to Him and people at school thinking I was crazy

See church was safe for me

It was home, these people were home

But as I got older

I realized that things were changing

People were changing

And I began to fall out of love with church but in my heart I knew I still loved God

See, I remember sitting in church one day and this woman was crying

I remember touching her arm and wiping her tears from her face

The pastor came up to her, rolled his eyes and sucked his teeth at her

I remember thinking, that isn’t love

That isn’t God

I also remember getting taller and my clothes not fitting as much and my skirts looked shorter on me

My arms had gotten longer so my shirts didn’t always reach up to my elbows

And I remember the stares and the whispers

I remember feeling watched and judged

That day I remember church becoming just a routine

Somewhere I had to go because my parents were dragging me

I didn’t look forward to Sundays anymore.. It became a chore

I wanted more days

Quiet and alone with God just like I’d spent every other day of the week

But those moments came less often

I began feeling more love from this world than I ever did in church

Church became a place full of imperfect human beings with Ice box hearts and the mentality of a fool all the while calling ourselves wise

They seemed to be too educated to be taught anything

Too holy to be checked

Too sanctified to be touched by saints and full of judgement

I saw women Come to church with long dresses, turtleneck blouses all the while condemning those who come as they were yet also claimed they knew scripture

Saw saints and ministers parading around in brand new tailored suits, alligator skin shoes, the best of the best but couldn’t even tell you the last time they tithed or spent the night with their wives

Glory be to God huh?

I saw church become more about tradition and rules and culture than about spirit and truth and scripture

But I think God always had place in my heart

Still  my hunger for HIm always seemed to unsatisfied

I guess I didn’t know better

I was seeking for truth and answers from church and God’s people

But how as a child do you know what to believe when all you see is lies

When you read about Pentecost and Jesus and love but it does not line up with this reality

I saw people who could quote scripture and be filled with emotion that you mistook for the Holy Spirit but continued to carry mountains on their back that Christ said they had the power to move

I saw people being so comfortable with being unfaithful brides to Christ and chased ungodly men who only knew how to lead a woman to themselves and not our King

Now I know I am not perfect and I may be mistaken

I know that I am young and what I say may fall on deaf ears

But the Word says

To not let anyone look down on me because of my youth but instead be an example for believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity

So with that I will speak freely

Church…

Church is not a building with four walls and lights and dramatics

But it is us

It is a people of praise and worship

Church is a gift to this world

But many of us do it no justice

We are called to love

And to give to the lesser of these

But find ourselves storing up riches that will only be destroyed by moths and vermin

Be stolen by thieves

Then what will you have for yourself

A spiritual bank account on $0 and a God that does not know you

We are called to be fishermen of men

But we are better at turning people away from God than to him

See Christians are the only people that I know can keep people out of church

Or better yet change church to be more hip for the youth with a watered down version of God and His truth

we are called to represent the one and Only God l

But see the thing is in order to represent someone, we must know them, understand and love them but many of us really don’t know Jesus

So you are out here representing someone you know nothing about

Being false witnesses and prophet,

Oh what a dangerous thing you are doing

We are to be the salt of this world but spend so much time being oh so sugar sweet and I mean that in every way that probably just ran through your mind

So please church

I beg of you

Wake up

Get deep and soak yourself in the word and grace of God  

His time for return is closer than you think

So i pray you aren’t caught with head between your legs when He comes

Wishing you had more time

And I pray children like me don’t grow up losing faith in the people that are called to lead

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